Sexual fantasies to help love addicts for a healthy relationship

Mohit Mohanan September 12, 2020

1,435 4 minutes read

If you think you are not kinky, then there is a very good chance that your brain might be. There was a reason girls loved ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Let’s start by saying everyone has a fantasy and by everyone we mean literally everyone. There are many people who are ashamed of their turn-ons who enjoy weird sexual fantasies and many who think that sexual fantasies are dirty or immoral daydreams. However, it turns out, researchers say that sexual fantasies are perfectly normal and healthy for couples only if it doesn’t become obsessions that take over your life.

Multiple studies have revealed that men have more sexual fantasies and a stronger desire to turn their fantasies into reality compared to women. Also, in studies, they also described their fantasies more vividly than women.

“Most men, for instance, are more likely to have fantasies that are quite explicit, pain giving and involve multiple partners. However, most women, on the other hand, are inclined to focus on more emotional or romantic details like scene-setting like on a beach or under a moonlight evening”, says the Bengaluru based relationship expert Sindhu Vasanth.

“Women fantasies also include eyes meeting across the room, or getting intimate in a rainstorm together and they (women) often need foreplay as it helps prepare their minds and bodies for the actual act of intercourse. These differences between men’s and women’s fantasies seemed to be true regardless of sexual orientation”, Vasanth added.

For some people, it has been observed that simply imagining or talking about their fantasies are sufficient to create arousal and sexual pleasure and acting on your sexual fantasies that too if it is weird is healthy as well, if done with safety, proper communication, and consensually.

Following are some examples of the most popular fantasies people usually experience:

1. Multiple partners: Now what could be merrier than one woman? The answer will be two women and it is most men’s sexual desires.’ How do I get my lover/husband/wife to participate in a threesome? ‘was a question that was asked to many experts and relationship adviser as per reports. Choosing different-sex partners, group sex, or trying threesome is the most common sexual fantasy in western countries and now it is trending in India too according to a recent survey. It sounds like a great idea for some people but the reality is often very different from the way we picture it in our heads.

2. Power control: Know as Sadism and masochism (S&M) and bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) is one of the most popular fantasies which includes giving or receiving pain for pleasure, spanking, whipping humiliation, and hardcore sex. It is an idea of being sexually submissive which can be arousing to men/women who are always in control outside of the bedroom as the nature of this fantasy is rough sex/forced sex.

3. Unusual location: Having sex in public and being watched or discovered by other people is another common fantasy that both men and women find fascinating. The idea of potentially getting caught red-handed, seen, or overheard add sexual excitement to people who find this hot. However, going through this fantasy in real life is somewhat risky, as sex and nudity in public places can lead to legal consequences (not to mention embarrassment but still, there are many who find this fascinating as the location such as while watching a movie or joining the shower plays a huge role in this.

4. Role-playing or Gender swap: It is exactly how it sounds. Some men/women fantasize about dressing up and playing out new roles from any movie or as a teacher, student, or nurse and patient. It has been seen that heterosexual men tend to enjoy roles where a strong man encounters attractive women. Also, women do enjoy occasional same-sex (lesbian) just to experience what and how does it feel to be with the other but the same kind.

5. Infidelity or strangers: You may or may not be perfectly happy with your partner, but still find something electrically as the idea of cheating on them somewhat excites you. It could be a danger of getting caught that draws you in that situation, the freshness of a new sexual connection, or something or someone else entirely. Some married couples also ask their partner to pretend someone else and to have forceful sex.

6. Going to ex: It is always a bad idea however some may think it as a chance to experience one of their fantasy as the thought of reliving the sexual moment they had once with them always turns them on. It won’t be anything new or surprising but still, a lot of people believe in this fantasy. Although, indulging in sex with your ex doesn’t mean that they want to back together so it is all about lust. Experts suggest not to go through with this as someone can end up with disappointment and guilt.

“We know when people are in love, they are the most themselves and going after what they want and consequently showcasing the best aspects of themselves. During a marriage or in a relationship, fantasies help reignite a spark when just having sex becomes a little boring. Perhaps that’s the reason why so many people like to fantasize about having sex with someone different, or in an unusual place, or even just having in a position that you’ve never tried before”, said Vasanth.

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