Real reasons why people in abusive relationship “Just Can’t Leave
Highlights :
- Abusive relationship
- Why is it hard to get out of it?
- What do the reports say?
Emotionally Abusive Relationship can be hard to recognize and here’s why?
When you hear that someone is in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, your first question is, “Why don’t they just leave?” However, the fact is something else.
And here is the thing – when it comes to relationship abuse, it’s never that as easy as it seems, and certainly, “just leaving” is not at all easy even if how right decision you may think it is because if you are financially dependent on your spouse, things will get harder when you will leave and staying with an abuser will kill you slowly.
The abuse includes everything from slapping, torturing, misbehaving, and shoving to beating, burning, and strangling which means everything that is hurting you physically, mentally and emotionally, and even spiritually.
While abuse is something that both opposite and same-sex relationships, in which typically women are the ones who are more likely to be the victims. And, it is not just the physical injuries, but emotional ones too that make them weaker relationships can be emotionally destructive too.
Read More- 7 Signs that indicate Divorce might be the right choice
So, we spoke to Vibha Sharma, the Jaipur based Tarot card reader, relationship expert and a Pranic Healer to understand more about the reasons that hold victims back from getting out of an abusive relationship, and here are the reasons she mentioned:
“One thing which is clear is that no one deserves to be abused by anyone no matter what kind of a relationship it is. The abuser is never going to change. A lot of people fall under this myth and mistaken belief that they can somehow help this person (the abuser) become a better person. However, if they’re an abuser, they’re an abuser, period and you need to just get away from them”, says Jaipur-based Tarot Card reader and Pranic Healer Vibha Sharma.
“Emotional and mental abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse as when a woman is physically abused, there are bruises or a broken arm but, when she’s being emotionally abused, she doesn’t necessarily know it as it gets more confusing and more traumatising”, Sharma added.
So, while making the decision to stay in an abusive relationship, keep the following things in mind:
√ HOPING THINGS WILL CHANGE
There is a good chance that the abuse will keep happening as abusers have deep emotional and psychological problems. So, the change isn’t quick or easy but also it is not impossible. The change can only happen if your abuser takes full responsibility for his behaviour and seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you, for his unhappy childhood, stress, work, his drinking, his temper, or whatever the shit he went through.
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√ HELPING YOUR ABUSER
It’s obvious and natural that you want to help your partner and you may think you are the only one who can do it. But the truth is that by staying and accepting repeated abuse, you are encouraging the abuser’s behaviour and instead of helping, you are actually perpetuating the problem.
√ PROMISES, PROMISES
Abusers often plead for one more chance, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change or do something different that is nice to win you back. They even mean what they say at the moment, but their true goal is to control you and keep you from leaving, and then they quickly return to their abusive behaviour once you have forgiven them as they are no longer worried that you will leave.
√ COUNSELING OR NEGLECTING
If your partner is in counseling then still there is no guarantee that he’ll/she will change. There are many abusers who take counseling but still continue to be the same violent, abusive, arrogant, and controlling. If your partner has stopped minimising the problem and making no excuses, then that is a good sign. But what is more important is that you still need to make your decision based on what kind of a person now he/she is, not the man you hope he will become.
√ WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN
You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will do, once you will leave and then where you’ll go, or how you’ll support yourself or your children. But, also think about what your abusive partner will do to you if you will stay in such a dangerous, unhealthy situation.
√ SOCIETY NORMALISES UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOUR
Your society may make things normal even when they aren’t and say things like that it is not a big deal and happens with everyone. But you are the one who is facing it so you should be the one deciding it and not the damn society.
√ IMPOSSIBLE TO START FRESH
Oftentimes, couples living in emotionally abusive relationships find it hard to move on with their life. Also, many think that their relationship is not bad as they think it is when there is no physical abuse. However, any kind of abuse is torture and it may make you weak to move ahead in your life to start fresh.
Read More- 6 Signs that you are a victim of an abusive relationship!
√ IT WON’T TURN DANGEROUS OR UGLY
Women think that they may not suffer as much as they thought but multiple news reports have already revealed that several times when women left their abusive relationship which was life-threatening for them as women are more likely to be punished in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner. So, try to seek help from your true friend and have them beside you so that you can have a protective backup. Fighting alone is always hard. It is possible but it is very hard and in fact, things can get really ugly.
√ IT’S NOT ME IT’S YOU
Sometimes there may be times when you will feel personally responsible for your partner’s behaviour after a fight, an abuser or the accused can turn the situation around and tend to make their partner feel guilty like they are somehow at fault and this kind of behaviour is also known as gaslighting. But an abuser still has no right to abuse you or torture you.
√ SHARING A LIFE TOGETHER
It is a fact that leaving is hard especially when you share a life together and when you are married and have children, and share finances which are often huge reasons that people in abusive relationships stay anyhow to make it work. So, you need to understand what’s right for you and your family.
